


When Wade Wilson Writes

by WebbedUpKatanas



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Abuse of spray cheese, And various other objects, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-27
Updated: 2014-02-27
Packaged: 2018-01-13 22:24:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1242766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WebbedUpKatanas/pseuds/WebbedUpKatanas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wade tries his hand at Spideypool fanfiction, with mixed results</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Wade Wilson Writes

The living room is a mess.

Okay, so that’s not exactly an uncommon occurrence, but this time it’s much messier than usual. Peter closes the door and surveys the damage. Balls of scrunched up paper litter the floor, and at the centre of the paper storm is Wade. He’s sitting at the coffee table writing with an intense look of concentration on his face and his tongue just peeking out of his mouth. It’s kind of cute, but also worrying.

“Wade…What are you doing…?” Peter asked cautiously, giving up and just stepping on the paper that litters the ground as he makes his way over, inching closer to the sound of paper crinkling underfoot.

“Writing,” is the curt answer. Wade doesn’t even raise his head, just keeps the pen moving in quick strokes across the page in front of him. “I can see that,” Peter responds. “What exactly are you writing?”

Wade dots the end of his sentence with a flourish and looks up to grin maniacally at him. “Porn!!” he shouts triumphantly, as Peter finally reaches him to look over his shoulder.

“Why am I not surprised,” Peter sighs, taking the page when Wade shoves it into his hands with glee.

“Says here it’s based on a true story?” Peter queries. Wade’s expression is devious, and he waggles his eyebrows. “Last Tuesday,” he supplies, and Peter’s eyes widen. Last Tuesday had been good. Really good. Suddenly he’s a bit excited to read this despite his misgivings.

After he reads the first few sentences the excitement sputters out like a candle in a bathtub. “Peter Parker leapt upon his studly, gorgeous, and frankly spectacular lover Deadpool the moment he saw the muscular man standing before him?” Peter reads out loud disbelievingly. “That is not what happened.”

“That’s totally what happened!” Wade replies, waving his hands around for emphasis. “We were naked before you even hit the living room!”

“That’s because you shoved me into the wall and yelled ‘Take me Spidey, I’m ready!’ the moment I walked through the door!” Peter exclaims, his voice sounds high and thin in his disbelief.

“Same difference. Keep reading,” Wade prompts, so Peter bites his tongue and looks back at the paper in front of him.

He reads silently for a few minutes, ticking off inconsistencies and outlandish claims in his head, trying not to laugh at the more ridiculous things because that will only encourage Wade. He can’t keep his mouth closed though when he encounters Wade’s first description of his cock. “Wade, seriously? You just called my dick ‘A Godzilla like appendage, throbbing with uncontrollable lust’.” Peter isn’t sure if he wants to laugh or cry.

“So? Whats the problem?” is the reply. Peter just shakes his head, glares and lets it go instead of listing everything that’s wrong with that sentence. At least Wade thinks he’s big. That’s sort of flattering, right?

The distance between outbursts is shorter this time, and it’s only a few seconds before Peter looks up and cocks an eyebrow at his boyfriend. “That is not possible,” he says shortly.

“What’s not possible?” Wade asks, leaning over to look at the paper as well.

“Um, this part. Where apparently my legs are wrapped around you holding me up while I face away from you.”

“Nah. You could totally do that. You’re so bendy. And strong and lithe. So many muscles. Such smooth skin. And that tight little ass….wait…where was I?” Wade shakes his head, and Peter turns away so he won’t see the affectionate smile on his face.

“Ok… so how are we kissing, while I jerk you off and stroke the back of your head? In the same position.” he challenges. Wade blinks. “You’re the super talented one Spidey, you tell me. I swear you did something like that just the other day,” Wade sounds so self assured that Peter finds himself thinking back for a moment, trying to figure out if he ever actually had performed such acrobatic feats. He shakes himself out of it, glaring at Wade instead. “Stop looking at me like that. Read, read, read!” he urges, “You’re almost to the best part!”

That isn’t ominous at all. Peter turns back to the page trepidation mounting as he and Wade do some despicable, impossible, and possibly illegal things. Wade even brings in some props that had not featured last Tuesday, thank you very much, and probably never would. Especially because that is not what clothes-hangers are for. Although the maple syrup thing didn’t seem so bad… until the volleyball came into play that is. He winced, unable to keep the disgust from his features. This could not get any worse.

Finally, towards the bottom of the last page, he came upon it. Wades piece de resistance. “Oh my God. No. That better not be for what I think it….no!” Peter facepalms, shaking his head.

“Wade, you cannot use spray cheese as lube. That’s just not practical. And it’s disgusting,” Peter’s face contorts as he tries to block out a disturbing mental image. Gross. Wade is hooting with laughter, bent over to slap at his thighs in the throws of his diabolical joy.

Straightening, Wade wipes a tear from his eye and his smile twists into something less pleasant that has Peter on guard immediately. “Next I’m going to write the part where you swoon and beg for it like a virginal princess who can’t wait to find out what it’s like to be a whore,” he smirks. Peter’s unimpressed look is strong enough that most normal human beings would have hung their head in shame by now. Wade just giggles, grabbing his pen and sitting back down.

“If you do that,” Peter warns, “I’ll have to take you to bed and fuck you into the mattress to show you whose boss.” He’s not sure why he’s playing along, maybe his brain has broken from the horrible smut, but he has to admit he’s happy when his words cause Wade to freeze and tense up, pen hovering precariously over the page.

Wade blinks up at him for a second, then leans down to scribble furiously at the paper.

“Oh yes. Virginal princess it is,” he says with relish, as Peter gives in to his burning desire to smack the Merc upside the head.


End file.
